To the Best of My Ability

I want to think thing are fine. Okay, at least. I'm trying to change, to the best of my ability. And you might not believe this, But I really mean Thank you.

Thank you, for real. At a point you were the most important thing in my life. I never expected this to happen, and I think you didn't either. We grow farther apart day after day. I mean it with my heart and soul. It's not empty, it's filled with a heartbreaking cry, and a i want to smile sheepishly. Know that it's safe. It wants to replace the harm. But I know that harm cannot be replaced easily.

I'm here! Look for me, please. I beg you. Just look! It's just hard to look past all those layers of ashes and giant puffs and those fumes of smoke. I'm laying down flat, face down, head buried, eyes closed, half alive. Maybe a little less than half. But you can save me. I can revive.

I want to come back. I can't wait for you to listen to me, to hear what i have to say, all of my mistakes. But you can't stand to see me anymore. I try not to die when I see you look at me. I wish you understood what I mean by Thank you. Thank you for me was and is helping me see the mistakes i'm doing, look at all the cracks I've stepped on. Seeing all the imperfect corrections and liable fragments that have brought me a stair a stair down from what I had considered to be plain and good. Plain. Simple. For all the bad that was done. It's self reflection. Not just written down and on the mirror. Somewhere else. But you've just got to trust me on this one. Once. Just this once. I mean it, please.

I want to return more than anything.
Please believe me.
More than anything.