The unreal beginning of my side of the story

When did you come in?

Not through that door. It wasn’t this year, was it? Or was it two years ago? I don’t remember. I can’t really make my own decisions anymore. All the made up things are eating me alive.

I feel like I can’t let loose anymore. But as far as I can remember, did I ever? Probably not. Normal as can be. Although, nothing ever was normal. Don’t talk to me for pleasure, as a chat, as before. That’s changed.

Now it’s for need, for rehabilitation of the mind. But not mine. It’s all crystal clear in my mind. Blame it on the air, the distance. It doesn’t even exist. It’s not real. But it’s the force that’s keeping me with my eyes open. It’s the one that’s taking you away from me. But this isn’t a game, it’s real. And it’s all crystal clear in my mind.

But I want to know what you think. When did things become diff6erent? Why is it all gone? And sitting in this chair, you essence is somewhere here, surrounding me, and so I know I don’t live.

It’s like forgetting the words… of your favorite song. You can’t believe it, you were always singing along. It was so… easy, and the words so sweet. You can’t remember, you try to feel the beat. And so I spend half of my life trying to fall behind. And so I use my headphones and try to drown out the sound. That sound in my mind. But it just doesn’t work.

I became addicted, and I just couldn’t get enough of the lies, the noise, and my heart beating fast. Hard. I can’t.

But I think all I need is time to think. I can’t, though. Ever. Things turned into a blur a while ago. I can’t seem to find the right lens to focus in. And I’m sorry if I caused a distraction, or any ‘fore felt melancholy. I know I did. I caused problems. I caused harm, hurt, and pain. And most of all, I caused hate.  Nothing left to ruin, because there was nothing there on the first place.

I want the silence to continue. I don’t wanna leave. But I don’t want this to drag on. I want to scream, shout, cry. Cry with the tears I seem to hide. Hide on my pillow, washing away. Hid under my pillow like I do, waiting for the rising sun to be once again.

Like a dollar, I carry around love. Like a quarter, I carry around hate. Like a dime, I carry around what is planted, what right now is being explained. My mind. As a nickel, I carry  around the straps of cloth, or words. The unfinished letters from before. Before when everything was fine. Good. Sane. And as a penny, I carry you around. The most common to find laying on the street. The one that is barely used. Most common to find in your pocket. The one that is everywhere. The one no one can miss. The one you need.

Sorry, i made a mistake. Did I? Or is it just the need that i feel to apologize? Sorry, but no one is actually perfect.

No doubt, I have this feeling of living hell but who knows if I can actually live through that? Who knows if I am actually here? Who knows if I have hopes and dreams like everyone else? Who knows if this is actually all a dream and when we supposedly die, we wake up? No one. Is what I am saying wrong? I never misinterpreted anything. But it seems like I did.

Taking on Impulse: revised

Childhood Memories are the kind you will never forget. I have a video tape of me playing my guitar and singing at the top of my lungs different songs with my grandfather. I love watching that.
                      But what if your memories are bad? What if your past brought you to a teenage asylum? What if the pain was the only sour remedy or bad medicine that could actually cure? that's what they think. Their lives are long gone.  Ellen Hopkins does a good job in preparing this 'meal'. She blends hurt and craziness together. She adds a small amount of love. A tint of Hate. A teaspoon of butter, no never mind. But she adds 666 cups of 3 different ingredients: Tony, Conner, and Vanessa. They are the secret recipe.
                     Ellen Hopkins’s impulse is a book about their hard lives. There are three main characters. Tony has a hard life. The book talks about his thoughts, cuts, and memories, in his perspective. Conner is another character. He doesn't feel the need to show his emotions/depression, but he thinks that death is his only way out. And Vanessa on the other hand, She is hiding herself in a blade's reflection, blinding the truths from hurried pain. But there's no need handle a lot of that when you can take a staircase to hell. Ironic to us, isn't it?

            Everyday teenagers can relate to the book. I mean, who hasn’t thought they’ve gone crazy? That they’ve completely lost it? No one. I believe we all have felt lost, or alone, at one point. No matter how much people love you, no matter how many of them are around. And these are the basic emotion of these three characters. They think they are in “living hell”. We may not think so. Maybe we believe our problems cannot compare to theirs because they are completely irrelevant, or bigger or smaller.

But that’s not true. Our problems match our lives, and we all live differently. So we can’t compare them, no matter how “similar” they might sound. The kids in the book aren’t exactly, little kids anymore. They are older. Old enough to know right from wrong. And they know that what they are doing is wrong. But I am not one to judge them. I understand. The author’s purpose feels like it’s to express the essence of life. She makes pain look as the main theme, but from where I see it, it’s life.

To prove my thinking, I went back into the book. And I realize it took me a while to figure out the differences between the characters. It’s a little complicated to read sometimes because the character changes from one page to another. Whenever we get to the best parts of this continuous story, there is a change. But things are always interesting enough to keep you reading, leaving you with your tongue hanging, asking questions. Something else I noticed from Hopkins’s writing style is that she won’t say things out directly. You have to find the hidden meaning behind her words, play around with them until they make sense. It sounds like something you have to do with Shakespeare, but still with her. For example, I didn’t realize what she meant when tony talked about “being into” this new girl. I mean, we all assume he likes her right? But no. I misinterpreted what she meant. He doesn’t normally like girls, he’s gay. And things kinda got weird for me to keep reading from that point on. So I had to go back a few pages to actually understand what I had thought right and simple before. Another example comes in with Conner’s story. He tries to act like he can have everything, anything. But he hides so many secrets, and it seems so easy for him to keep them all bottled up. And since he believes everything he sees, he never actually discovers the truth. He thinks he can tell someone’s story just by looking at you for a minute. Like THAT would say anything about me. But he’s trying to seduce his doctors! And one of them… well, kind of gives in! It was confusing at first, because I a way she happened to know what was going on with him.

I find this quite ironic. In my opinion it is because of her body language,  what she says and wears. Here is the paragraph in the book:

“Her smile grows wider. Oh, I doubt that, Conner. Now, what did you decide about confiding secrets? My eyes lower to the V of her blouse. ‘you have to go first, but I guess I’m ready to play your game.’ Okay. When I was younger than you, but old enough to know right from wrong, I had sex with a teacher too. She knew?”

This was really clear, but I just didn’t know how to react. I kind of smirked at it. And then I thought of questions. And kept reading. Nothing. Next character. See? That’s how she makes us wait. She wants to create tension to keep us in focus. And that’s a strength in her writing. Yet, I can describe another example with the last but not least of the characters.

Vanessa’s cuts are deep. No, not really. But her emotions are. Her father is in war while she lives with her grandmother and her brother. And it seems like she can’t really live. It seems to her like she can’t make sense of her life. And so it’s confusing, because she feel a special connection with Tony, and Tony with her, even though he’s gay. This kind of throws of the story and sets a different tone for both characters. All though all 3 are at the same asylum (aspen Springs), they are different, and this kind of connects them all. This brings them into the story for real.

I really like her writing techniques. They seem simple, but it’s harder than it looks. And I tried to go further in with this book, and tried to capture the purity of what seems like a mistake. Sometimes it seems like there are fragments, but no. it’s just to throw you off. And I really enjoy that.

Impulse combines all times of emotions and themes, and different ways to picture this story. But it still is great no matter what.

We all have impulses. And ones that I consider being the biggest in this book is to:

Break free.

Let Go.

Consider.

Continue.

Life and Death.

Mr. Shakespeare, I just stalked your entire life.

Dear Mr. Shakespeare,
I wish you were alive to see how much about you I know. I wish you could see my "impressive" storyboard on Sonnet 13, and tell me you like it. I wish you were alive so I didn't have to do sooooo much research on you.

Quit daydreaming, kid.

....Okay, Daddy.

So anyways, I know you were born on St. George's day. April 23rd in the year 1564. I also know that you were baptized the 16th of April, in that same year. I also know that you were born to a family of.... How many kids?
well, let's count.
Before you were born, two of your sisters were born. The first, Joan Shakespeare. The poor child died in infancy, only 2 months after birth.  After little Joan, came Margaret Shakespeare. This child lived longer than Joan, but only by 10 months. Margaret died at the age of 1. And then the Bard himself was born. This child atleast, survived infancy, and led us into great literacy. Though he was not the last, he was the one that outshined the Shakespeare family. After william came Gilbert Shakespeare, who was born on October 13th, 1556. Gilbert died at age 46. He died at a younger age than William did.  After Gilbert, Joan was born. Yes, Mary Arden and John Shakespeare did name two of their children by the same name. Although the first one died only after a few weeks of birth. The second Joan Shakespeare survived the longest. Complete opposites with the other Joan! ut this second one died at age 77, older than any one else in this family. She was born in 1569. Three years later, in 1571, another Shakespeare child was born. Anne Shakespeare on september 28th. Anne was only alive for seven years, though. After Anne, came Ricahrd on March 11th. He was alive until the age of 39. And last but not least, Edmund Shakespeare. Edmund died in 1607, at the age of 27. Atleast the were all baptised.
The Bard was the first son of four sons. He had four sisters. There were eight children in total.
William's mother's name was mary and his father's name was John.

William shakespeare was Baptised In a Holy trinity church. William lived with his family on Henley Street, Stratford. becuase his parents decided he should be helping his father in business. It was the same year that young Anne died. This was also the year when his parents had many financial problems. Not only that, but all of the people inthat time had HYGIENE problems. Even though it might sound weird to us now, but the Elizabethan Era was very "smelly". People didn't bathe everyday, and their only was either Ale or Wine. But besides all that, Young William came home with the news of a soon newborn. He'd been with an outsir named Anne Hathaway, who was eight years older than he. She'd been 26, while Shakespeare was only eighteen. They did have their Child, and it was a girl Called Susanna Shakespeare. She was born on the year of 1583. William and Anne were married before they had Susanna, in November 1582.  two years after Susanna's birth, Anne discovered she was pregnant again, and she had twins. William named the male Hamnet, and the he called his second daughter Judith. William loved his family very much.

William was quite the multi-tasker. What he did, no one could compare. He was a son, a father, a husband, an actor, a playwright, and a poet at all circumstances. He was so good ast everything he did. His first play is said to be Henry VI part I wchih was producedby the Acting troupe in the Rose Theatre, with Lord Strange's men. This was just part one, so they is assumed to be a part 2 and a part 3 of Henry VI.  He wrpte these plays between the years 1590 and 1592. And during this time, playwrights were not though of as literary experts. it was poets who were known as the brains of the time- and yet, playwrights were not viewed as highly acceptable people who were educated intellectuals.

What other plays did he write? Oh, there were many. But there are those that are more popular. Let's see, have you heard about...
1) Hamlet?
2) Othello?
3) Macbeth?
4) Romeo and Juliet?
5)The Tempest?
6) Julius Caesar?
Oh, come'on. Don't tell me you haven't. That'd be like the tragedy of Macbeth...
No.

There are 37 plays in total. I listed them below as 1. Comedies, 2. Tragedies, and 3. Histories.

The Plays
Comedies
All's Well That Ends Well, As You Like It, Cymbeline, The Comedy of Errors, Love's Labour's Lost, Measure for Measure, The Merchant of Venice, The Merry Wives of Windsor, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Much Ado About Nothing, Pericles, The Taming of the Shrew, The Tempest, Troilus and Cressida, The Two Gentlemen of Verona, Twelfth Night, The Winter's Tale
Tragedies
Antony and Cleopatra, Coriolanus, Hamlet, Julius Caesar, King Lear, Macbeth, Othello, Romeo and Juliet, Timon of Athens, Titus Andronicus
Histories
1,2, and 3 Henry VI, 1 and 2 Henry IV, King John, Henry V, Henry VIII, Richard II, Richard III
 
And recently, I went to see "as you like it" with my class, as part of an ELA trip. Fun. I really loved it.
 
But, let's not forget all of his other writing.
Anyone know how many sonnets Shakespeare wrote? (raise your hand)
 
Celina....
.....Uhm, was it, 154?
CORRECT. William Shakespeare wrote 154 sonnets. Oh poor me, who only had the ability and immagination to write a single one. -> I really liked my sonnet ;)
They were all listed as numbers. For example, the 54th sonnet written would be titled "Sonnet 54". That was for all.
Of course, they are those sonnets that were the most popular. Here's a list with the intro line of it:
 

• William Shakepeare's sonnet 18- Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
• William Shakespeare's sonnet 29- When in disgrace with fortune
• William Shakepeare's sonnet 116- Let me not to the marriage of true minds
• William Shakespeare's sonnet 126- o thou my lovely boy
• William Shakespeare's sonnet 130- My mistress's eyes

And none of those is one of my favorite.Yeah, I did read a couple dozens of his sonnets. Well, till my head hurt, and that took a while. I got up to... Sonnet 83? Oh well, who knows?
And out of all I liked Sonnet 23 the best.
* Note that that's the poem I chose to do a storyboard besides my own.

In case you wanna check out the sonnets, all 154, here's the link that gives them straight at you:
http://www.william-shakespeare.info/william-shakespeare-sonnets.htm

But Mr. Shakespeare, I really lovee your work.
It's great.
It's elaborate.
It's simple.
It's you.
BYEEEE <3

Taking On Impulse

                      Childhood Memories are the kind you will never forget. I have a video tape of me playing my guitar and sining at the top of my lungs different somgs with my grandfather. I love watching that.
                      But what if your memories are bad? What if your past brought you to a teenage asylum? What if the pain was the only sour remedy or bad medicine that could actually cure? that's what they think. Their lives are long gone.  Ellen Hopkins dioes a good job in preparing thsi 'meal'. She blends hurt and craziness together. She adds a small amount of love. A tint of Hate. A teaspoon of butter, no nevermind. But she does add 666 cups of death.
                     Ellen Hopkin's impulse is a book about their hard lives. There are three main characters. Tony has a hard life. The book talks about his thoughts, cuts, and memories, in his perspective. Conner is another character. he doesn't feel the need to show his emotions/depression, but he thinks that death is his only way out. And Vanessa on the other hand, She is hiding herself in a blade's reflection, blinding the truths from hurried pain. But there's no need handle alot iof that when you can take a staircase to hell. ironic to us, isn't it?
                

Autumn Sonnet

Falling leaves of maples and dreamy days
Feel the coming kisses of the winter.
nevertheless, the coldest soft embrace;
Come in young and beautiful, come enter.

Happiness tickles the rattling greens,
look at the shadows of oak and pine.
The windy breeze on which the branches lean,
remembering the boots that once were mine.

Later on frolicking on the wet leaves,
watching the season with my bare eyes.
Collecting piles of hundreds at ease,
all we do is collect our colors and our lives.

Following the path of the hollow lane,
I think september is all that remains.

Credit To Amazing blogs- Many besides 3

In class 810, there are many students. And though we like to fool around, and act churlishly,  we write elaborately. This is because we express our feelings very well, and we do it "straight up". when we write, we don't joke arounjd. We are serious, and that helps us grow. But some of the students in this class really caught my eyes with their posts, and here are just 3 that are show good work, in many areas:

1) Isaiah nardone. What I like about Isaiah's writing is his mood. His poetry is very wel written. He puts so much emotion in his writing, it seems unreal. The conflicts that go on in his writing are very realistic. they are real. I've felt his writing more than once. He wrote an amzing sonnet for ELA as well. His writing expresses alot of emotions and it is usually long and great! =]

2) Melody Wallace. The vivid colors of the writing grab my attention. In that case, it makes me want to read it. And her posts aren't bad at all. I like how she selects different colors to respresent the different words. Some are obvious like for orange joiuce, she uses orange. And brown for bread. And that makes it exciting. I feel like her posts are very meaningful to her because they are funny and she is has a very lively personality. I really like her posts.

3)And Last, but not least, is Daniel Bortoluzzi. I love his writing in general. He writes with passion, and with real live situations. It's all very enchanting. I love his poems, they might be very short, or they can be long, but either way, I love them. It shows many emotions and I can relate to all of them. I feel like his posts are meaningful to him, all of them relate to our daily lives. Some of his posts are hilarious, but are situations that happens to him. For example "promotion in doubt". That's a poem he wrote about a letter being sent home from the board of ed, and he might not pass the grade. And he talks about raising his grades even if it costs him not bursting out laughing in class like he always does. Even if it costs him to not talk while other people talk which he always does.  But he has a very creative mind, and I really enjoy/love that.